Contentious Custody Cases: Tips for Parents
Child custody cases in Colorado usually involve some level of disagreement. Unfortunately, some matters become high-conflict when parents are unwilling to work toward a common ground. This article and supporting video offer valuable tips for parents in contentious custody cases.
Co-Parenting in the Conflict Zone
Co-parenting during a nasty divorce or contested custody case can be an emotionally draining experience. An uncompromising co-parent can test the patience of even the most reasonable person. Our Family Law Team is here to help you through this tumultuous time. Consider the following tips to help you maintain your integrity and stay calm.
Tip 1 - Keep Records
Maintain records of interactions with your child’s other parent. Written and digital accounts with your ex about decision-making and parenting time can support your case, including emails and screenshots of text messages. Document verbal conversations; note the exchanges’ dates and times.
Other helpful documents to compile are the children’s report cards and attendance records.
Depending on the issues of your case, you may also need to gather medical and psychological records relating to yourself and your child. For instance, if the court ordered your child to attend therapy or you to go to substance abuse counseling, you’ll have evidence to prove you’re heeding the court’s guidance.
Tip 2 - Maintain a Neutral Tone
Talking with your ex during a contentious custody case can feel like tip-toeing through a minefield of accusations and personal attacks. Using the wrong word or tone could trigger a falling out. While you don’t have to feign affection, I recommend keeping a civil tone.
For example:
use a calm, respectful tone of voice
practice active listening and avoid interrupting
use neutral body language, such as uncrossed arms
discuss only the present topic
be clear and direct in your communications
Even if you’re trying to maintain neutral interactions, your ex might try to provoke you. Try not to take the bait. Here’s an everyday texting scenario you may relate to:
You: I have some unexpected meetings scheduled for later today. Would you be able to pick up the kids from school?
Ex: You and your “unexpected meetings.” Uh-huh. I’ll pick them up, as usual.
You: Thank you for picking them up. I appreciate it.
If a similar exchange happens to you, take screenshots for your records. They will prove that you’re trying to be communicative and your ex is being petty.
Tip 3 - Take the High Road
You may disagree with everything your child’s other parent does, from what foods they allow the children to eat to how late they get to stay up. Disapproving of your ex’s choices is your prerogative. However, never criticize them in front of or within earshot of your children. Doing so can negatively affect your case and cause emotional stress for your children.
Expressing valid concerns to the court or a Child and Family Investigator is OK. However, be sure to phrase them in a way that focuses on your child’s needs instead of criticizing your ex.
Need Help With a Contentious Custody Case?
We understand that contentious custody matters are complex. Our experienced and compassionate family law attorneys are here to support you. Schedule a case assessment to learn more about your parental rights and legal options.
